A quiet journal, gently unfolding.
“I want people to see me for who I am, not what I am.” 🏳️⚧️
My life as a child has been interesting. Most of my personal stuff happened just before I was 12. Up until 5th grade, life was fine. But in 5th grade, I started feeling like nobody liked me for who I was. Puberty didn't hit me when it hit everyone else — their voices got deeper, mine didn't. I remember searching on my Acer C720 Chromebook "how can I look like a girl and hide my penis?" I found a silly wikiHow article and even tried it. It felt good, but it's a blurry memory now.
Depression hit hard when I began losing friends and feeling alone. It got worse with my parents' divorce, which I believed was my fault. In 2021, I nearly took my life, but thanks to friends I met on Discord, I survived. One even stayed with me while I threw away the noose I'd kept for months.
Over time, I embraced femininity, started dressing the way I wanted, and found VRChat, which helped me discover I'm a trans woman. Finally, everything made sense.
Now, working at a job I love, I finally found the courage and stability to begin HRT — to finally become Blake.
4/11/25 – Unknown time: Dysphoria has kicked in, I'm tired of being "myself." I want HRT. I'm buying it.
4/25/25 – 10:38 AM: They've been delivered! Holy shit! I can finally fucking start...
4/25/25 – 3:37 PM: I finally decided to take them. Today, I'm beginning my journey.
4/26/25 - 12:00AM: I took another dose. Nothing has happened yet, I've expected this.
4/26/25 - 11:29AM: Another dose has been taken!
4/26/25 - 12:34PM: My taste buds feel different, like foods I like are just, not good anymore?
4/26/25 - 8:21PM; Took yet another dose!
4/27/25 - 9:03AM; Another dose has been taken.
4/27/25 - 6:47PM; Another dose has been taken. Feeling tired today but I didn't sleep very well.
4:27/25 - 6:26AM; Another dose has been taken... I started noticing that my left nipple feels different — more sensitive, almost like a soft electric current when my shirt brushes it. It's strange but beautiful. It's a reminder that change is happening, that the journey I've dreamed about is real and alive inside me now.
It's happening, this journey. It's finally happening. I feel nervous, but also excited. The effects aren't immediate, but every step feels like it’s a part of my evolution, the start of a new chapter where I’m finally starting to align more with who I am. It's insane... I'm prepared for whatever hits me at this point, but I feel like I'm doing the right thing. Finally.
I’m ready for whatever comes, and this is just the first step. I'll continue to document this journey as I go.